ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the Tricky Dick, Anthony Weiner Show!
WEINER: Dick
DICK: Weiner
WEINER: Dick
DICK: Weiner
SCENE 1: [AT CAFETERIA–LUNCHTIME, US CAPITOL]
DICK: [Looks around] Things haven’t changed much.
WEINER: [To Dick] By the way, I’m Anthony Weiner.
DICK: Dick, nice to meet you. [To cafeteria attendant, 18 to look younger]: I’ll have a couple of uh, sausages there.
WEINER: Nice to meet you Dick. Do any tricks, Dick.
DICK: Checkers, you? Andy the Handy?
WEINER: Carlos Danger [Looks at attendant].
DICK: She could get us in trouble.
WEINER: Just cafeteria talk.
[Attendant hands Tricky Dick his sausages and looks at Weiner; Diana Ross song starts playing, “upside down, boy, you turn me, inside out, round and round…”] [To attendant]: What’s your name?
CASINA: Casina Naste.
TRICKY DICK: [Has been tapping his feet to song playing over the PA system, trying to be as loose and hip as he can. When “round and round” is played, Dick may swing his hips and say]: Casina Naste.
WEINER: [Over the music] They have to be 18 to work here! [To Casina] Can I tag you? [Takes a picture before she can answer, of himself or her, who knows, maybe even both or all three of them]. [To Dick]: Carlos Danger. [To Casina]: Casina, C-A-S-I-N-A?
DICK: Weiner…
WEINER: “I am not a dick.”
DICK: Weiner.
WEINER: Dick.
JOHN RUBENS is no Mother Teresa. 